Monday, August 25, 2008

How do you like your eggs? My thoughts on relationships.

This is something that I have thought about a lot over the years. Coming from a so-called broken home myself, the subject of marriage and relationships occupy my mind every so often. Today I would like to share some thoughts on this topic. And I want to do so by referring to eggs. Yup, eggs as in breakfast fare. Specifically scrambled and fried eggs.

Scrambled, please
A while ago someone likened marriage to the mixing of two eggs in a bowl, like we do when we want to cook scrambled eggs. If a relationship is indeed like scrambled eggs, it means that the two individuals will become one, but not just that, they will become bits and pieces of the other. With scrambled eggs, no indication is left of the original egg, and it is only capable of being something in conjunction with the other. Each egg will by default become a function of the other. Their original structure and wholeness will be a distant memory, and they will not be able to distinguish their identity from the other egg's.

Sunny side up
If one likens a relationship to two eggs fried in a pan, the following becomes clear: the whites of the two eggs will inevitably flow into one another in the pan (that is if you're not using one of those nifty round egg thingies... but that is not the point now!). The whites become "one", joining the eggs completely. The yolks, however, remain separate, clearly defined and whole. The eggs become one, without completely losing their core.

In my opinion, a healthy relationship is one where the two people are like the fried eggs. They will mesh; they will flow into each other's lives and they will be one. They are able to be flawlessly conjoined, yet they will remain individuals. They will not lose their core identity or their wholeness in the other person, yet they will be connected intimately.

Love grows
I believe that love grows more easily if the two people in the relationship can retain their uniqueness. I am not advocating separate lives and keeping secrets. I am supporting the idea that a man and a woman in a relationship keep on being themselves, retaining that unique something that makes you you. That is the spark that your loved one fell in love with to start with, because it was something that was not in them. It was different...

That spark of "otherness" is what draws the eye, fascinates the mind and captivates the heart. Often our differences are what attracts us to each other. Often they are the things that enable us to learn from one another. I believe we should never stop learning. Not in life, and not in love.

How else will we grow?


Eugene said...

Thats really well put! As romantic as "losing yourself in your beloved" sounds, its not. The "scrambled eggs" type of relationship is really just a hot mess.

I still like actual scrambled eggs though...

RandomSue said...

Tania - I like your analogies a lot. I agree completely with your take on this. Plucky and I have been married for 12 years and we are just now figuring this out. The American church likes to tell you that you cannot hang on to any individualism at all. We are discovering that this is a really destructive lie. It kills relationships.

Honour said...

what a fascinating post, Tania! I like it.

I have to say, I like how you ended it. As I was reading it, and you described love a la scrambled, I got a sick feeling in my stomach, a nasty taste in my mouth.

Gibran is a strong believer in having separate identities in love and in relationships. You should read his chapter on love in "The Prophet". Beautiful.

Tania said...

Thanks for the comments and the wisdom. Good to hear I'm not alone in my views!