tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557633723579138661.post1334931258662548597..comments2011-12-17T18:37:22.228+02:00Comments on Water and wine: this is what I think/feel/believe: PilgrimageTaniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01284016043940345084noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557633723579138661.post-33188089185478724632008-12-02T12:04:00.000+02:002008-12-02T12:04:00.000+02:00Thanks, Hopper! Always good to hear different opin...Thanks, Hopper! Always good to hear different opinions. And I agree that the bond should be there, regardless of whether the couple is married.<BR/><BR/>A Marriage certificate will not make two people closer or more committed. To each his/her own, I think - if you believe in marriage, get married. If you don't, then enjoy your relationship as it is. I think many people subconciously believe marriage will keep them together or ensure fidelity. I think that is not a good assumption - if the commitment and fidelity is not there from the start, a marriage license will not provide it magically.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557633723579138661.post-9338227507390807612008-12-02T00:48:00.000+02:002008-12-02T00:48:00.000+02:00I think that perhaps you were hitting around this ...I think that perhaps you were hitting around this idea of mine in some ways... but I'm not sure how many people agree...<BR/><BR/>Marriage is a social convention that we have invented for ourselves because at one time it served a purpose (apparently)...<BR/><BR/>In many place now the divorce rate is well over 50%... many people having two or three marriages... ergo... marriage is the leading cause of divorce...<BR/><BR/>If two people are committed to each other and have an emotional resonance (this may sound fatalistic) they will be together and not many things will be able to get in the way of that... "marriage" is only a formal contract between them, a contract which has little merit if they would be together anyways... if marriage serves a function (like making it easier to file taxes or to make it easier to register your children... sinister as that may sound) then why not get married... but don't do it because you believe that it forms a stronger bond... the bond should be there without marriage or marriage is doomed to fail...<BR/><BR/>I've heard it said that a wedding ring is no more than balance between fear and trust... a way that one person lays claim to another... as an antiquated idea this was exactly the function (or apparent function) I mentioned before... marriage was when a woman was given to a man and most often she had very little choice in the matter and it was a contract between two men... the husband wanted her to wear a ring so that other men would know that she was someone's possession... again... maybe I'm a cynic...<BR/><BR/>I've never been married and I'm not too sure that I want to be... I'm in a really lovely relationship but I don't believe that it would change anything to be married... my partner is herself not terribly interested in marriage for the reasons above (most of these opinions in fact come from her)... but perhaps some time if it makes sense to get things done... I guess it's just an opinion but the number of marriages I've seen crumple really doesn't add any credence to the convention...<BR/><BR/>Sorry if this isn't what you want to hear...<BR/><BR/>Thought provoking post...<BR/><BR/>JPJonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07415555531504843017noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557633723579138661.post-83958862210279612362008-11-26T11:19:00.000+02:002008-11-26T11:19:00.000+02:00Thanks for the comments! And Sue, it is always nic...Thanks for the comments! And Sue, it is always nice to get feedback from someone with wisdom on the subject!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557633723579138661.post-47040357044651514142008-11-24T07:52:00.000+02:002008-11-24T07:52:00.000+02:00Well I'm no expert when it comes to marriage or ev...Well I'm no expert when it comes to marriage or even when it comes to long term relationships but what you say makes total sense. I like the image of marriage as a pilgrimage, I never thought of it like that but it makes sense the way you describe it. I think you are on to a deep true thing here.Eugenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17722877695054410613noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5557633723579138661.post-43378920064102759162008-11-24T02:16:00.000+02:002008-11-24T02:16:00.000+02:00Tania - This is a very good post. I really enjoy ...Tania - This is a very good post. I really enjoy your thought processes. <BR/><BR/>Tim and I have been married for 12 years and I assure you that we do not always "feel" the love. To me, love in any relationship means commtment to the relationship no matter how you feel at any given moment.<BR/><BR/>You talk about the damage and pain divorce causes the two parties involved. I admit that I don't know much about the birth rate in SA but a big motivator for me to work things out when I'm not enjoying my marriage is seeing the damage that was inflicted on my two sweet step-daughters as a result of their parent's divorce. I would not want to be responsible for causing such pain and conflict in my two children's lives.<BR/><BR/>I say all of this to say that you are very wise to be cautious about making such a committment.<BR/><BR/>you are so right when you say that we have to lean on our faith during those difficult times that will inevitably come in marriageRandomSuehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00266089487669591255noreply@blogger.com